My man pulled the car into our parking stall and shut off the engine. He and I got out and stepped to the rear doors to help the kids get out of their car seats. I opened the door and unbuckled Max, then stepped back to let him get out. I looked over the roof of the car at my man.
"Give me the keys," I said. "I'll go check the mail."
"Can I check it?" he asked.
"Ok," I said. "But if there are any packages, you cannot open them!" I had been doing a little Christmas shopping online and was expecting a package any day.
"I'm going to open them," my man threatened.
He went to the mail box while JayJay got out of the car. When Max was out on my side, I bent into the car to unbuckle Third from his car seat in the middle. By the time I had him extricated from the straps and had shut the car door, my man was unlocking one of the package bins. He pulled out a package.
"You can't open that," I reminded him.
"I'm going to open it," he answered.
I approached him. "Give me the package."
He dodged away from me. "No! It's not fair that you get to know everything about Christmas!" Let me remind you that this man is very nearly 34 years old.
On a side note, it is NOT my fault that I know what everyone, including myself, is getting for Christmas. My man cannot keep a secret. The end.
Anyway, I chased him. He ran. Of course there was no way I could keep up with him. I was carrying a nine-month-old baby and the parking lot was icy after our recent snow storm. But I kept chasing and each time I got close, he scampered away. JayJay and Max stood by and watched and laughed. After several minutes of this pointless hullabaloo in the parking lot, my man ran to the front door, unlocked it, and ran inside with the package.
I was close enough on his heels that as I reached the front door, I looked inside and saw him heading into the kitchen. The house was still dark. He hadn't paused to turn on the lights in his eagerness to escape with his contraband.
As he turned into the kitchen, he stepped on a library book lying on the floor. The plastic dust cover combined with the smooth surface of our laminate wood flooring turned the book into an ice skate. It slid to the side. My man's foot flew out from under him and he went down with a heavy thud. His head or hand hit the dog's dish and sent it flying across the kitchen with a clatter. Various other detritus of a dirty, three-boy house scattered away from the impact zone.
"Oh, ouch!" he said.
I stepped inside, closely followed by JayJay and Max. I turned on the lights and set the baby down while my husband moaned on the floor of the kitchen. I was a little concerned. My man had broken his left hand wrestling only a week and a half before. It was splinted, but not in a hard cast. Because of the direction he was turning when he fell, he might have tried to stop his fall with that hand first.
I walked into the kitchen. My man groaned.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
"I don't know," he answered. "Everything hurts."
He still held the package in his right hand. I snatched it away from him. Then I gave him a kick in the pants for good measure. Nope. I'm not above kicking him while he's down.
"You can't open it," I said, unyielding. I headed for the stairs so I could hide the package in my bedroom.
"Get her, boys," my man said.
Immediately, JayJay and Max started for me. I shrieked and ran, racing up the stairs with JayJay hot on my tail.
I made it into my room and had the door mostly closed when JayJay thumped into the other side. We fought. He tried to open the door. I tried to shut it. Max quickly joined the contest and then my man showed up and I had to surrender the door to them. But I certainly did not surrender that package. They backed me into a corner by my bed. I held the package tightly.
I had to resort to using the only weapon I had left to me, my will. And when I brandish my will, there isn't anyone who can stand against me (except my man and my sons occasionally, ok, a lot, but there was no way I would let them win this one). After a few stern, but clean words, my family conceded the fight. Eventually, I managed to chase them out of the room and was able to hide that package. It won't reappear until Christmas morning, so help me God.
P.S. My man was not hurt from his fall.
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